I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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