I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
