im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You ruined the universe
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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