Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
