no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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