Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
