Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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