I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
