I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize