He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
