He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
