She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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