Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
