Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
