my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
