Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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