you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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