It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
