I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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