I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
