oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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