Buhtt sex?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
