i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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