you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
