I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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