He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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