"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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