I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
