too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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