I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
