i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
