The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
