Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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