He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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