i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize