Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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