I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
