I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
