Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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