OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Text me some of your sweat
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