I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
