Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
