We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And then he peed in my hair
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