ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
