ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
