I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
