my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
