You just made me feel so damn special
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
