your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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