He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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