woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
