it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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