She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My pussy is not your playground.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
