Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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