Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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