i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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