pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
