The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
