By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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