so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
