i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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