So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
