I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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