Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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