I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
