so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
