oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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