if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
