My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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