just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
