Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
