dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
