You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
