The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No subtext here. People are naked.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
