I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
