Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
