Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it because I queefed?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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