My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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