There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
