I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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