If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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