i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
