my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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