If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
