Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
