you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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