If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
