He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
