Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
