Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
