fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
