Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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