I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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