Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
