Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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