I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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