i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
