he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize