dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
