i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
