I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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