She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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