I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
