I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
is that a dick in a sweater?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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