oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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