What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
