Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
