Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
